When I became a REAL mom

I blogged on here all about my pregnancy. I was a mom-to-be then.
Then I blogged about giving birth and the early days of Callum's life. I was a new-mom then.
Now I will blog about the event that cemented my mom-ness into history.

I got a minivan.

Yes. A minvan. The thing I used to say I would NEVER get. I would tell my parents, "psh they are so dorky and embarrassing. I will never drive one, a car or SUV is fine." My dad would smile and say "you'll see. They're the ultimate family car." (This also from the man who owned an early 90s full sized conversion van that we all piled in to. And it had a TV. If you were a 90s kid, you know TVs in vans were a luxury that wasn't installed into every van like they are now a days. You were pretty cool if you had a TV with reception so horrible to render it useless in your family's van in the 1990s. For the record, on trips my parents would somehow hook up a VCR to it. Yep, a VCR, baby,).

So anyway, fast forward 15 years and suddenly I have a kid. When the receptionist at the dealership asked how many kids I had, and I replied "1" she said "oh." as if that was not good enough for a van.

 But then I reminded her of all the STUFF a baby has, and she got it. It's not just Callum. It's Callum and his GIANT HONKIN' carseat that takes up as much space as a 400lb person riding in my backseat. It's the struggle to get him into that carseat, backwards, because that's safest. While it's 0 degrees and snowing and icy, and he's wearing layers (but NOT a puffy coat because that would kill him). All without bumping his head while I toss him over to the middle seat, because that's safest. And the struggle to adjust the straps to the current clothing layer, and pull as tight as I can at an awkward stretched out angle, because that's safest. And then having to remove him once we reach the destination. It's his diaper bag. It's his toys. It's  the baby gate I bring to someone's house. It's his strollerS. It's the baby carrier. It's the portable baby seat that attaches to tables that's supposed to fold up but only one side does. It's my purse. My coupon binder. The boots I forgot to add to the bag. And the bottle/sippy cup I threw in as an afterthought on the way out the door. Oh and if I was at the grocery store or shopping and have bags to put in or unload... forget about it.

I view my life in 2 time periods.
Before - when I could walk out my door, get in my car, and drive away. Get to destination, get out, and walk in.
AFTER - see my above description. It takes about 3 trips to load everything and everyone, and 3 trips to unload. It's exhausting.

When I get to leave the house alone, I am giddy not so much for being childfree and not having to watch Callum. I am giddy that I can enter and exit a car like a normal person again, saving time and effort. Oh the effort.

A minivan, while not perfect, does help. It allows me to fit more junk in my car, without things being as cramped - which means I can also leave things in my car (which cuts down on dragging them in adn out of the house). The seat is at a more "comfortable working height" and *right there* for me to set Callum into. Now, it's still a PIA to get him into the backwards carseat, and still a pain to finagle with the straps. But It's a tiny bit easier. I also have the option of climbing into the car, out of the COLD, and snow and rain to settle him in. And in our van, the pathway between the front seats and middle seats can be opened (console folds down) so it's easy to just walk up front. It also helps that I am the size of a large child, a giant man probably couldn't crawl in between - but I digress.

So without further ado, here is my baby with my new baby lol

13 months.

It's been a month again since I last wrote, and even that one was kinda sparse. callum is 13 months old now and still not officially walking but he DOES walk and stand on his own. He just...choses not to. He will RUN around the living room using a combination of hanging onto teh coffee table, couches, his play yard and whatever else is around, as well as a few steps all on his own, as well as some crawls and pulling himself up. It's crazy. I was sitting on teh couch yesterday and all of a sudden realized he was standing on the couch looking out the window behind me. He HAD been on the floor. So while he isn't toddling around 100% of the time, he's almost there. It's like he doesn't trust himself enough to just let go of all the objects around him. He stands on his own in the middle of the room, or his crib or whatever, all the time. it's so funny because he does this wide stance with his legs.

He learns new things EVERY day. Yesterday Eric taught him to say "Aiyiyi I'm a baby" except all he says is the "aiyiyi" part lol. He's big into mimicking right now. If you start pounding on the table, then he'll start doing and he'll think it's hilarious. Dancing - he has started dancing which consists of him bouncing his legs offbeat and laughing. Sometimes he'll dance while sitting down on in the baby carrier. The other night we had a Jimmy Fallon thing on (where he and The Roots use kids toy instruments with Carly Rae Jemson) and he LOVED it. I had him in the Tula carrier and he was dancing like crazy. 

Sippy Cup drama - This kid will not take a cup. He wants all bottles, all the time. He will put a sippy cup to his mouth, then throw it on the ground. You'd think eventually he'd get thirsty but he doesn't - he just holds out and stays thirsty until we give him a bottle. Part of it is our fault for just giving him bottles because it's easier, and he'll actually drink. I'm trying not to stress too much, he won't be going to kindergarten on a bottle. And some moms are still breastfeeding their kids at this age and no one says anything to them, so why is a bottle baby expected to suddenly overnight stop with a bottle and start on a cup? Who made that rule? But really, I would like to get him to at least take a cup during meals and save the bottle for nap/bedtime comfort. Because that's really what his bottle is. Comfort. He still loves to snuggle up to me and drink his bottle as he lulls off to sleep. If he bumps his head and is crying, a bottle will stop him. Bottles of milk are his "security blanket" for sure.

We have tried so many cups. Avent trainer, Nuk trainer, Nuby cups. Tommy Tippee, Munckin gripee, and Munchkin weighted straw. Omg straws. He has no idea what to do with a straw. He'll chew on it for a second, then throw the cup on the ground.

So I guess my kid will have rotten out buck teeth.

Sleeping: He sleeps in his own room now. I got a great deal on a video monitor ($48 for a $100 monitor!) I p ut him to bed in his room, and after MONTHS of doing a CIO method to get him to GO to sleep. He finally goes to b ed without much complaint. In fact he doesnt even really want to cuddle at bedtime anymore which makes me a little sad. However, he STILL wakes during the night. Monday night he slept all night (10 hours) and it was awesome. I really think he's waking because of itchiness.  He doesnt even really want a bottle/milk anymore when he wakes up. Sometimes he'll wake up just scratching and scratching at his ankles/knees/hands/etc. We give 2 ml of hydroxyzine at bedtime which helps but doesn't help all night. I also coat his eczema spots in Sarna (anti itch cream), and cortizone 10 or every once in a while with desonide. And whatever moisturizing cream i have on hand. Nothing really works to get rid of it. Makes me feel so bad for him, and with the dry weather, his skin is so much worse.

Oh at his 12 month appt he was 30.25 inches tall, 22 lb 5 oz (i think) and his head was a whopping 18.75 inches. Percentile wise he was a little tall, normal weight (a little skinnier), and his head is still big lol. Developmentally on target. He got the varicella and a HIB shot. I decided to delay MMR because recent research shows getting MMR under 15 months increases your chance of getting measles by 5x. Basically, waiting a little bit give you extra immunity. Plus, ya know, MMR autism fears doesn't exactly making me jumping for joy about the shot.  He did okay but did spike a fever of 104 degrees 1 weeks after the shots. He acted fine though and it went away after a day.

I've been having a lot of anxiety lately. I think mostly about working/money/being away from Callum. Sometimes I get so sad and feel like I'm missing out on so much. But i HAVE to work. My per diem job is making me give them more time...so sometimes i only have 1 day off in 12 days time. At the same time, I could use the money because I want to buy a minivan...i'm still driving my '02 malibu. The same car I took my road test in at 16 years old LOL. I was thinking about doing summer school this summer, it'd onyl be 4 hours a day. But man, I would miss my vacation time! So I'm not sure what I'll do.

1 year old!

So it's kinda embaressing how long I haven't updated in here. But I've been busy with life, which as you know has a way of keeping you busy.

Callum's birthday party was Saturday December 6th. We had a bunch of fun. He of course has no idea what was going on but he was happy and liked playing with his little friends. I have a bunch of pictures that Melissa gave me on a CD that I need to put on the computer still. We did a circus theme and I think it turned out cute. The night before we were franktically making cupcakes, of course nothing ever works as easy as those pinterest drone-moms make you believe, And my mom spend 2 hours making him his birthday onesie, only to have her sewing machine get hungry and eat a hole through the shirt. So out we went at 8pm to get a birthday shirt for him. It all worked out and he got spoiled. Seriously he does NOT need any more toys or clothes. Poor December birthday kid.

He's still not walking but I think it'll be soon. He pulls himself up on everything and is getting riskier and riskier with only using 1 hand now and letting go briefly. Within the past week he's also starting using are hands to walk across the room. He's taking like, 1 step, a couple times. He still prefers crawling though, that's his main mode of transportaiton.

He loves bathrooms. Especially my mom's. Turn your back for a minute and he's crawling into the bathroom...while turning his head back to look and see if you're watching him while giving you a shit-grin.

His 1 yr appt isn't for almost 2 weeks so I'm not totally sure how much he weights/how tall he is but I think he's around 22 lbs, 30 inches tall.

 I've added a few pictures.... from his 1st thanksgiving, 1st haircut, last time in his jumperoo, and 2 pics of him on his actual birthday!

Pie on thanksgiving

LAST TIME in his jumperoo

Causing trouble at the doctors

Being cute

1st haircut

1st haircut

12.10.14 - 1st birthday

12.10.14 - 1st birthday

10 months monster

Ok so sometimes it's hard for me to write about Callum because I forget things. What kind of mother forgets her child's latest developmental accomplishments? This one apparently. So then I just don't write because it's too much work to think.

Callum is the craziest and most insane person I know. He is so busy and wants to be into everything. We have a playyard that takes up half our living room and it's honestly the best thing we ever got. It just contains him so well, keeps him safe, while letting him still think he's roaming around. He doesn't spend all his time in there of course, he also loves cruising in his walker. He's gotten so good at navigating it. When we first got it, he could only push backwards on his tippy toes. Now he is all over the house, bum-rushing doors, ramming into your feet, making K-turns. He's hell on wheels.

He has 7 teeth, 4 on top and 3 on bottom. He tries to bite you now. Will just lean over and try to chomp onto you. Really just me, he loves to bit his mother. Actually, I call him abusive because he's just so rough. He also loves to pull hair. Especially mine. He'll wrap his sweaty little fingers into it and not let go. And then laugh. He also just climb all over me with no regard to where he's putting his weight (like my eye, or belly).

If you try to restrain him, sit him on your lap or god forbid cradle him like a baby, he freaks out and wiggles to get away. He just wants to get down. He's standing more than he's crawling now. He crawls to get where he needs to go but he spends a lot of time standing at those places. He also will side step now, while hanging onto a table/chair/cabinet/whatever object is at his height.He also will only hang on 1 handed and try to play with things with the other hand (while standing, obviously), or bend down keeping 1 hand on the table and pick up something on the floor. Of course he still falls and either is totally fine or cries and cries until he is distracted by a lightbulb or something.

He LOVES lights. My mom got him started on that. He loves to reach out to her light fixture about her kitchen table. Luckily, the lights there don't get hot. but otehr lights do, so I knwo at some point he's probably going to burn his dang finger off. He's already almost headdived off his changing table teaching for his little nursery light that's near it.

Would love to finish....but have to go!

sleep sagas, and my my giant baby

My kid sucks at sleeping. I mean, I know some people have it way worse. Some nights he'll only wake up once which is okay. But Monday night he woke up every 1-1.5 hours. COME ON. Honestly it was just so annoying. We were trying to reason with him, "come on dude, you just ate." then just plain calling him out, "Callum you are ridiculous." I forgot to give him his anti-itch medication that night, which is an anti-histamine, which makes you sleepy. So that didn't help things. But still, he hasn't even been on it for a week yet and he also should be sleeping for longer than he does now anyway.

The first time he wakes up he is hungry. Like angry crying till he gets a bottle. The times after that he sometimes is hungry, sometimes isn't. Sometimes he just wants to be reassured I'm there. Sometimes he wants to cuddle in bed. Sometimes he doesn't know what he wants, he just woke up.

I refuse to do cry it out (CIO) with him at this point. I mean, sometimes we'll let him cry for a few minutes (mostly because we're too exhausted to actually move out of bed) but not longer than about 5 minutes. Sometimes 10 if we're not sleeping yet. But I can't do that. Because he's little and wants me. He's not crying just to be annoying/manipulate us/for fun. He can't talk yet or communicate well, so crying is how he mostly does it. If you can't be comforted by your mom (or dad) when you're an infant, when can you be? The doctor (and my mom) think he may be itchy and that's waking him up, and then he realizes he's awake, and cries. He is a zombie because I don't understand how he is NOT exhausted like we are. A lot of babies this age sleep 10-12 hours a night, even if they wake. He's like eh 8 hours is fine. And I'm gonna wake up 297482 times during those hours. And he doesn't even nap much. A lot of times he'll go down for a 1/2 hour! if he naps for over an hour we talk about how long he's napping for. I require more sleep than my 9 month old, for real.

He also has been wide awake at his normal bedtime. I do his routine which ends with cuddling in (my) bed while he gets a bottle. He drinks some of the bottle, the whines to flip over onto his tummy, and proceeds to crawl around like a little monster on my bed. He'll smile and laugh at me and try to play. If I put him in his crib he just stands there crying and yelling at me. I've been taking him out and putting him into his giant play yard (I never wrote about the play yard, it's been forever) and just let him crawl around to tire himself out more. I'm embarrassed to admit what time he fell asleep last night. But it was so so late.

His 9 month appointment was 9/25. He was 20lb 4 oz, 28 inches (although that is totally a guess...he was twisting and fighting the nurse so she just made some estimated marks on the table), and his head was 18 inches. Growth and development was totally normal. He got 2 shots - Dtap and Hib. They wanted to give him more to totally catch him up but I said no. Because he got 2 shots (hep b and prevnar) 1 month before and broke out in a rash. NOT like before but a smaller, less severe rash. Sorry but I truly believe he gets rashes from his shots, especially when he gets a bunch (the 5 months of his severe itchy rash was after he got a bunch of shots including the combo vax, Pentacel, so I say no to that now which I know they think is nuts).

I returned to work; a new school year has commenced. Callum is now noticing that Im not home during the day and is attached at the hip when I get home. This weekend I have to work my per diem job too, I HATE when I have to work 6 days a week. And it's B shift. Just feel like I get no break in 2 weeks time. But the money is so awesome when I get paid.

Work it out

So before getting pregnant I was in pretty good shape. About a year prior to pregnancy, I started doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. That was the best. I lost like 17 lbs in a month by doing it every day. I was hooked after that. I tracked what I ate on MyFitnessPal at the same time which I know contributed. You have no idea how quickly calories add up, even with "healthy" foods, until you start tracking it. I'd eat between 900-1300 calories a day, which is pretty low, and I'm sure was a big part of rapidly using weight. After a few months, I had definable abs. Jillian worked your abs hardcore. I also would go running around my mom's neighborhood, and over to the outdoor track at the high school. I'd stick some earbuds into my iphone and go.

I kept this up in one way or another for about a year. I made it into size 6-8 gap jeans (which always ran small on me) and was feeling pretty good. I had strength and stamina.  I had just bought a bunch of jeans at the gap outlet... and then became pregnant.

I immediately bloated up. By 6 weeks (that would be 4 weeks of having an actual baby in there) nothing fit. For awhile though my belly wasn't that big and i didn't even gain that much weight. Maybe 5-7 pounds? Then around 20 weeks everything got bigger. I started gaining weight more rapidly and my belly POPPED out. People would say "you're all belly" and maybe i was, but it felt like extra fat was there too (which, women DO store extra fat during pregnancy, which i didn't even know at the time really).
 One time I went to the obgyn, and I had gained 5 lbs in a month, instead of the 4 lbs (1 lb a week) that they want and was told to watch my weight gain. I cried. Over 1 lb. Looking back that doctor (NOT my own dr) was kinda an a$$...really, it's 1 pound. And I had a late afternoon appt, you weigh more as the day goes on. As a nurse I would never think anything of that. So that MD sucked. But I was still mad about it.

Around the 3rd trimester, or at some point anyway, it was like no matter what I did I'd gain weight. I remember really restricting what I ate (what? who does that while pregnant? This was still the downfall of that stupid comment by that stupid dr) and I know I was not eating enough. Oh then I failed my 1 hr glucose screen (which they shouldnt even bother doing. Many women fail who do not have GD so it just creates undue worry). I cried at my desk at work when they called me with that news. Which gestational diabetes is NOT type 2 diabetes (which is tied to being overweight) but it still made me feel fat. I went on to pass my 3 hour glucose test, so I did NOT have GB but it still upset me.

So then the last month when I was miserable and huge and hurting and nervous and exhausted, I just said screw it and ate what I wanted. Not that I could even eat a lot, since your stomach is pushed up so small.

I gained 26 lbs officially by the doctor records (but more like 30 unofficially because by the time I went to the dr's at 6 weeks for my 1st weigh-in, I had already gained a few pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.)

Initially the weight fell off, when I was breastfeeding LITERALLY about 16 hours a day. Callum nursed so dang much, probably d/t my low supply. But then it came back, and kind of quickly. I've actually read that this is a "thing" that many women actually GAIN while breastfeeding, not loose like the propaganda tells you. So teh first 2 weeks I was almost back to my pre-preg weight (but with a messed up, deflated stomach). But by 1 month I had already started gainning.

So the past 2 weeks or so, I have started tracking what I eat on MyFitnessPal, eating less, and TRYING to work out more. I've lost maybe like 6 lbs so far, but man it's hard. So much harder than before. And yes, I'll blame it on the baby because he is #1 and his needs come first...not my want of working out. Hopefully I can push myself slowly though. I packed away my skinny clothes this weekend because I was tired of them cluttering things up and making me depressed. But I want to wear them again!!

8 months, milk, feeding, mortgage, all that jazz

So my child will be 8 months old in 5 days. Lately I've been kind of sad about my baby growing so much. He is still a baby, and I MISS my baby. I miss when he was a teeny tiny little bundle, I miss when he would let me just hold him like a baby, when he would just lie there and give me a smile from time to time. At the time I couldn't wait for him to get bigger so that things would be easier (which they are... but NOT easy by any means!) I just have nostalgia for my newborn Callum. I see why people get the baby bug to have another but I feel like, even if I had another baby, that baby won't be Callum though. Callum will never be a newborn again! And then I get sad all over again.

Stats:
We weighed him last week and he was 19.2 lbs. No idea his height and head circumference but I think he's at least 27.5 inches tall. That makes him 81st percentile for weight and at least 79th for height. He doesn't really look that big, like, he doesn't have big fat rolls or anything. He's just so proportional. He's in 9 month clothes...and 12 month clothes...and a few 18 month? Size 4 diapers but he can still wear size 3, the 4s just fit a little better. He eats about 7 oz bottles now...like 1000 times a day. He should only be eating like 4-5x a day I feel like but he definitely eats more than that. I really need to keep track but he eats so often, I just forget. I'd say at 6 but probably 7 bottles a day? Callum has been a BIG eater since day 1 though.

Speaking of bottles... I started taking domperidone, which is a drug for nausea/vomiting/indigestion. However it has 1 big side effect. And that is lactation. As I have well documented, I had a ton of issues with my milk supply, I could never keep up. He'd nurse for 1.5 hrs every 40 mins, etc. He stopped nursing around 4 months, literally overnight he just refused. Never pumped more than 2 oz at a time and my supply had dipped to 0.5 oz a DAY. Well since 7/15 my supply has increased to 3-4 oz a day... which seems like nothing to many women but is like, 4-8x as much as I was getting! I'm on the lowest dose that most women take and it can take weeks to get the full effect. I've been pumping 4-5x a day which isnt even that much, so if I was stricter i'd get more milk but I dont have the time for that! And now with being back to work, it's gonna be harder because pumping at work is so hard.

I actually bought a hospital grade pump, a Spectra Dew 350. I got it on ebay for relatively cheap. It works sooo much better than my stupid Medela pump in style advanced. which I really should sell but I have but I have a strange attachment to lol. I plan on just using my manual pump at school though, it's just easier to whip out than having to set up all the shenanigans involved with the electric pump. A manual is just more discreet and easier to stop in the middle of pumping (since anyone can come in at any time).

My new goal is to pump until 12 months. I originally wanted to breastfeed till then... and then I started actually BFing and had so many issues. It's world breastfeeding awareness week. Which is a great thing, but let me tell you, in the non BFing mother world, a lot of mom's are annoyed/bitching/etc about it. I mean... it IS a little self congratulatory, like oh hey look at me I feed my kid, BUT BFing awareness IS important for 3rd world countries where it honestly is safer d/t contamination of formula and drinking water. I belong to an exclusive pumper group and a formula feeding group and the pumpers are like "well my baby gets breastmilk but no one cares about me" and there's tons of hurt feelings about it. And of course formula feeders are like "whateverrrr, you are no better than me." There's been many posts this week in those groups, about how annoyed/sad/upset they are. I see their point, but also see how Bfing mom's are happy to be BFing. Although maybe they should have a world pumpers and world formula week too lol. Mommy wars are for real ya'll, and it's ridiculous. I just think, however you feed your kid is fine. As long as they're fed. I wish things were more inclusionary and less judgemental or polarizing. And I've said before, I believe breastmilk benefits are overstated (especially in 1st world countries) and much of it is propoganda based on shaky, incorrect, or statistically irrelevant studies and "facts." I just want to keep giving whatever BM i can because I think it helps with his eczema. I do not believe his IQ will be higher or he will get less sick. That is just NOT true. I'm an out of the box feeder anyway...don't totally formula feed and don't totally breastfeed. Lol that blows the minds of many mommy war moms since so many see things in black or white. Whatever my kid is 80th percentile, never been sick, developmentally on target, and just awesome. So who cares how they are fed really?

In other news, the other day I received a letter in the mail from our mortgage company saying that my monthly payment is going to be lowered almost 200$ a month starting 9/1!! I couldn't believe it. Back in May and June I went through a bunch of hoops to get the house reassessed. I got our assessment lowered by about $15,000, which was a significant amt. I had called the mortgage company twice about it and they said they wouldn't change my escrow amt until the new tax bill came out in September. Whatever ( i worked for a mortgage company for 3 years and we updated accruals based on assessments if the homeowner wanted). Then out of the blue I get this letter AND a hefty check for the overage amt in my escrow account. What a blessing, seeing as how I don't get paid over the summer.

I'm back to work today, at the high school. I'm just workeing today and tomorrow. Then like 2-3 days a week the rest of August, not that bad and I love extra money! Can't believe school starts back up in a month though! Of course I'm exhausted because I have to be at work at 7am, and do you think I get in bed early? Lol hell no, this is me, the night owl over here. Good think for baby cuddle naps after work.