I found a blog (blogs can be a bad) about a widower and his daughter. So of course I read HOW he became a widower. And his wife died 24 hours after having a c-section (pulmonary embolism). Too much. Poor young woman dead just like that, and never even got to see her baby. Just too much. I have so much fear over dying during/after childbirth. It still happens. And I don't want it to happen to me. I don't want to die! I know, I should probably be a martyr or some brave soul and say it's okay if I die, as long as baby is ok. But I don't feel that way. I despretly do NOT want to die! No one can say it won't happen. It's unlikely. But still could. I like being alive.
Then I go looking for documentaries. And find one about a mother who made a doc about autism. And I got nervous, what if my child has autism. Especially low-functioning like her son. It's a very awesome doc ad I have to mention an Indian woman named Soma in TX who developed a method of working with (especially nonverbal) autistic children (because of her own son), called RPM. Amazing and if I had a child like that I'd be on the first flight down there to see her. A Mother's Courage: Taking Back Autism - watch it.
I know, your child can have a lot of things wrong with them. Childhood cancer, some weird rare genetic disease that no one has ever heard of, heart defect, facial deformity, Down Syndrome, some other developmental disorder, etc. I am a carrier for CF after all and for all we know my baby could have CF. But I just so much want this kid to be "normal." Healthy. Please let it be healthy!
Eric told me I cannot read/watch sad things anymore pertaining to maternal/fetal death or illness.
In other news, I did the "baking soda" test. And got a girl result!
Also, I thought I had my 1st official appt with the actual OBGYN today. CAlled to double check, and no. It's next Tuesday. Boo. I was so hoping it was today. Also I had off today, and next Tuesday I have to work. Appt is at 1:30, work at 3. Will be cutting it close!
My 2 month shot, taken at 9wks 2dys
My I have grown.
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