32 weeks

I have felt way too lazy to write, and I still do, but I really should update.

So last week, on Thursday 10/17, I called my OB's office to ask about a note taking me out of work at my per diem job. I happened to causally ask while on the phone, when I should be concerned over decreased fetal movement. The day before I hadn't felt him move as much, and he didn't pass the "kick counts." Well, they told me they wanted me to come in right then, that morning. So I had to leave work and go in. They used the doppler and his heartbeat was fine. It was heard up high on my right side which I think probably means he's still breech (sidenote: they haven't felt yet to see how he is positioned in there. I think maybe at my next regular appt. I'm dying to know). Anyway, then they sent me over to the perinatal office for a Non-Stress Test. I got to lay back in a big recliner and had the tocolytic monitors wrapped around my belly - one at the top which measures my movements (and contractions) and one on the bottom which measures baby's heartrate and movements. It took him awhile but his heart rate finally started having some variability! I had to drink apple juice and turn on my side to get him to do it. He was moving around though fine and I also wasn't having any contractions, so all was well!

And yes, I am no longer working at the hospital because it was killing me. I'm out until after baby. It'll be tougher not having that extra income, but I am so relieved.

We started our childbirth classes last night (10/21). We go for 5 Mondays, from 6:30-8:30ish. There are 6 couples there including us. Interesting note, out of 6 couples only 2 were married, 3 were engaged including us, and 1 boyfriend-girlfriend. A sign of the times. Lol I felt like a know-it-all because I knew all the answers from nursing school and everyone else was silent. Eric even called me out on it today. But yesterday was just an intro class to pregnancy and labor basics really, so going forward I won't know-it-all anymore lol. Next week is "coaches" week, all about what the coach has to do and then relaxation techniques. We definitely had the weirdest baby name. The instructor was like oh, is that a family name...? No it's not, sorry that we're not naming our kid Aidan or Sophia, or another top 3 baby name, like several other people in the class. BORING, trendy, popular names are just boooring to me Which is why I had to cross Liam off my list, even though I still do love it. Anyway. The last thing we did was watch a video of a woman in labor, and giving birth. It wasn't particularly graphic though, and focused more on her in pain during her unmedicated labor. And that made me not want to do it at all - like no thanks, I'll pass. I think I want an epidural at least. As Eric says though, I'll probably end up with a C-section anyway and all this will be pointless.

My baby shower is this coming Saturday, the 26th. I am excited and nervous. I feel kinda weird being the center of attention and having people give me gifts that I specifically asked for... but I am looking forward to it to because it'll be fun to see everyone :)

I've started taking Epsom salt baths and they help my achy bones lol. Seriously, it does help, even though taking baths is so gross. I haven't taken one in like 20 years, and bathtubs have also shrunk since that time LOL. Sometimes too I'll just get in the shower like 3 times a night with a shower cap on and have the hot water go on my back.

I still am sleeping horribly. I can't get comfortable because my bottom shoulder hurts, and my hips. But mostly my arms/shoulder and neck. And basically everything. And then whenever I move, my uterus puts additional pressure on my  bladder and I have to pee. I pee every 5-10 minutes. And when I fall asleep I wake up every hour to pee. Pee. God is a misogynist for designing the bladder to be squished under a huge heavy uterus.

Here is my comparison pic from last week (at 31 weeks). I still look somewhat similar.

Well our wallpaper border is in. And we've narrowed down a few paint colors. I want to PAINT now but eric is still being slow. He did cut and put up a dowel for our closet, so that I can move my clothes out of the nursery closet so that I can hang baby clothes in there. Although I would need the baby hangers to do that lol. But yea that is getting painting within the next few days.  Clearly I'm ready for the baby...not.

75% done

I hit 30 weeks yesterday.

This is how I look - the stripes make me look bigger honestly.

On a side note I got my hair done last friday - trimmed, shaped, and highlighted. Looks so much better, and healthier. I can't believe how much healthier. And I actually have bangs again. Somehow during pregnancy I lost my side part and this gross center part formed - causing my bangs to become gross, ugly non-bangs. She fixed that though, somehow.

HOW I AM FEELING:

I hate when people ask "how are you feeling?" because no one wants the truth lol. I feel a heavy expectation to say "faaaabulous!" But I don't feel that way lol. I mean it could be a lot worse, I don't feel bad. But I don't feel good either. I mean maybe it's "good" for being pregnant. But for normal life it's not good lol. I don't know what people expect me to say. Since you're supposed to be in pain and discomfort while pregnant, I guess not bad and can't complain too much - I could be having crazy contractions and on bedrest. And I know there is an eventual end date. But if I had to feel like this forever, I would want to die LOL. So usually I just say "alright" sometimes adding "tired!" onto it.

I don't sleep anymore. I finally fall asleep around 12:30 or 1am - I toss and turn a lot, my shoulders hurt, so the bottom shoulder that I'm laying on starts to hurt and get uncomfortable and I have to adjust my position in bed, which is a huuuuuge process. Plus I have to pee every 15 minutes so usually the "it's time to roll over" feeling is coupled with me having to get up and trek to the bathroom. Then I wake up every hour or 2 to pee again. Usually my last time is around 5:45 and I get annoyed because I get up at 6:30 so I never really fall back asleep again. I miss REAL sleep!! I try to take naps in the afternoon after work, I usually sleep for about 1.5-2 hours then, and it's the best sleep I get all day. SO yea, I'm grumpy and pessimistic.

LOTS of back pain - lower and upper, and shoulder and neck pain. And pelvic and hip pain. Basically everything hurts lol. All that pain is also what's keeping me from sleeping and waking me up. I went to the chiropractor yesterday. It helps but after a couple days it comes back full force. I want a massage too lol but those are expensive.

Brain fogginess. Ugh. I feel like an idiot all the time. I am so forgetful and just plain stupid. Which is really annoying when I'm still trying to prove myself at a new job. I feel like I look like an idiot a lot.

DOCTOR'S APPT TODAY:
 Everything was fine. Blood pressure was 114/68, pee was fine, fundus measurement perfect, fetal heart rate fine. I had some cramps at work today and he said cramps are normal as long as they're not rhythmic and regular. I've gained 18 pounds which he said is 1-2 pounds more than we'd like to see but it's okay. 5 lbs of that was in the last month though. So then I was all annoyed because everyone seems to be calling me big lately - so I was feeling like a giant fat blob. I complained to the girls in my December pregnancy group and.... I've gained some of the LEAST weight of anyone!! Most are already in the 20-something lbs range if not more. So how come *I* am considered too "fat?" Probably because I'm Lauren and I always get crap. This is what I ate today:

Breakfast: granola bar and slim fast
Mid Morning Snack: dry roasted edamame (wasabi flavored!!)
Lunch: salad: lettuce, broccoli, peppers, cheese, tuna, and a hard boiled egg with fat free french dsg. Also a wheat roll and some triscuits
Dinner: chicken breast, broccoli, pasta

I don't think I'm pigging out or eating a ton of junk. I've been trying to be careful about what I eat. How much better can I eat other than to eat less which clearly isn't right because I already don't eat quite enough calories that are recommended (but I know my body and if I eat "reccomended" calories, I blow up like a hog being fattened for slaughter) So now I want to like not gain any weight before my next appt in 3 weeks, to tell the doctors to shove it. Which I know is ridiculous and I won't do. But seriously. You told me i was ONE POUND overweight, that's like the difference of if I had had a doctors appt in the morning where you're skinnier or at the end of the day where you're more bloated (which is when my appt was). What is this, a modeling contest? Will my fat pockets start to be circled next? I'm just annoyed and want to tell everyone to go shove a fat burger into their fat mouths. </rant>

Dr said I could leave my per diem job any time I want. He said I can just tell them since I'm per diem, and don't need a dr note, but I think they'll want a note since I have a contract saying I'll work 2 shifts a month (and I know my unit.) So he said just call and he'll give me one whenever I want to stop working there. UGH. I want to stop now but I also would like the extra money. I'm scheduled to work this Saturday and next and I wanna try to tough it out but then after that be done.

I also got a flu shot today. It wasn't a normal one... it was a transdermal one, ie a little bubble put right under my skin. And preservative-free (ie no mercury). It's kind of nice, because my arm doesn't feel like I got hit my a heavyweight, just a little itchy.

ODDS and ENDS:

Kristen felt the baby kick last week!! First person to feel him - FINALLY. She said she didn't think Eric was pressing hard enough and then I thought about it, and he hadn't been. But then... a couple nights ago we think he felt a kick!! About freaken time.

I wonder what he's doing in there a lot. It has to be so boring. I mean you're just floating around with nothing to do but move your limbs around. It's dark. You've never seen the world. I know it's completely irrational, but I feel kinda bad for him sometimes like how is he not sooooo bored???

We signed up for a childbirth class, it runs on Mondays from 6:30-9, from October 21-November 18th. The last class is actually a breastfeeding class that is thrown in for "free." I'm looking forward to it because Eric needs some education LOL. Also I just think it'll help with my anxiety.

I meet with the Asst. Superintendent tomorrow to go over all my maternity leave stuff. I'm nervous. I mean I have an idea of what he will say and I shouldn't be nervous, but I am!!

We picked out a wallpaper border for the nursery!! We're going to paint and then put this border down

 Well I want to paint, Eric still thinks we should leave the walls ivory because he thinks it looks good. No it doesn't. The colors in the border match perfect with the bedding, and the animals in it do too. I also like that it's the alphabet because I think that's cute in nurseries, and now I can bring that secondary theme into the room. We need to get started on the room though. No energy.