75% done

I hit 30 weeks yesterday.

This is how I look - the stripes make me look bigger honestly.

On a side note I got my hair done last friday - trimmed, shaped, and highlighted. Looks so much better, and healthier. I can't believe how much healthier. And I actually have bangs again. Somehow during pregnancy I lost my side part and this gross center part formed - causing my bangs to become gross, ugly non-bangs. She fixed that though, somehow.

HOW I AM FEELING:

I hate when people ask "how are you feeling?" because no one wants the truth lol. I feel a heavy expectation to say "faaaabulous!" But I don't feel that way lol. I mean it could be a lot worse, I don't feel bad. But I don't feel good either. I mean maybe it's "good" for being pregnant. But for normal life it's not good lol. I don't know what people expect me to say. Since you're supposed to be in pain and discomfort while pregnant, I guess not bad and can't complain too much - I could be having crazy contractions and on bedrest. And I know there is an eventual end date. But if I had to feel like this forever, I would want to die LOL. So usually I just say "alright" sometimes adding "tired!" onto it.

I don't sleep anymore. I finally fall asleep around 12:30 or 1am - I toss and turn a lot, my shoulders hurt, so the bottom shoulder that I'm laying on starts to hurt and get uncomfortable and I have to adjust my position in bed, which is a huuuuuge process. Plus I have to pee every 15 minutes so usually the "it's time to roll over" feeling is coupled with me having to get up and trek to the bathroom. Then I wake up every hour or 2 to pee again. Usually my last time is around 5:45 and I get annoyed because I get up at 6:30 so I never really fall back asleep again. I miss REAL sleep!! I try to take naps in the afternoon after work, I usually sleep for about 1.5-2 hours then, and it's the best sleep I get all day. SO yea, I'm grumpy and pessimistic.

LOTS of back pain - lower and upper, and shoulder and neck pain. And pelvic and hip pain. Basically everything hurts lol. All that pain is also what's keeping me from sleeping and waking me up. I went to the chiropractor yesterday. It helps but after a couple days it comes back full force. I want a massage too lol but those are expensive.

Brain fogginess. Ugh. I feel like an idiot all the time. I am so forgetful and just plain stupid. Which is really annoying when I'm still trying to prove myself at a new job. I feel like I look like an idiot a lot.

DOCTOR'S APPT TODAY:
 Everything was fine. Blood pressure was 114/68, pee was fine, fundus measurement perfect, fetal heart rate fine. I had some cramps at work today and he said cramps are normal as long as they're not rhythmic and regular. I've gained 18 pounds which he said is 1-2 pounds more than we'd like to see but it's okay. 5 lbs of that was in the last month though. So then I was all annoyed because everyone seems to be calling me big lately - so I was feeling like a giant fat blob. I complained to the girls in my December pregnancy group and.... I've gained some of the LEAST weight of anyone!! Most are already in the 20-something lbs range if not more. So how come *I* am considered too "fat?" Probably because I'm Lauren and I always get crap. This is what I ate today:

Breakfast: granola bar and slim fast
Mid Morning Snack: dry roasted edamame (wasabi flavored!!)
Lunch: salad: lettuce, broccoli, peppers, cheese, tuna, and a hard boiled egg with fat free french dsg. Also a wheat roll and some triscuits
Dinner: chicken breast, broccoli, pasta

I don't think I'm pigging out or eating a ton of junk. I've been trying to be careful about what I eat. How much better can I eat other than to eat less which clearly isn't right because I already don't eat quite enough calories that are recommended (but I know my body and if I eat "reccomended" calories, I blow up like a hog being fattened for slaughter) So now I want to like not gain any weight before my next appt in 3 weeks, to tell the doctors to shove it. Which I know is ridiculous and I won't do. But seriously. You told me i was ONE POUND overweight, that's like the difference of if I had had a doctors appt in the morning where you're skinnier or at the end of the day where you're more bloated (which is when my appt was). What is this, a modeling contest? Will my fat pockets start to be circled next? I'm just annoyed and want to tell everyone to go shove a fat burger into their fat mouths. </rant>

Dr said I could leave my per diem job any time I want. He said I can just tell them since I'm per diem, and don't need a dr note, but I think they'll want a note since I have a contract saying I'll work 2 shifts a month (and I know my unit.) So he said just call and he'll give me one whenever I want to stop working there. UGH. I want to stop now but I also would like the extra money. I'm scheduled to work this Saturday and next and I wanna try to tough it out but then after that be done.

I also got a flu shot today. It wasn't a normal one... it was a transdermal one, ie a little bubble put right under my skin. And preservative-free (ie no mercury). It's kind of nice, because my arm doesn't feel like I got hit my a heavyweight, just a little itchy.

ODDS and ENDS:

Kristen felt the baby kick last week!! First person to feel him - FINALLY. She said she didn't think Eric was pressing hard enough and then I thought about it, and he hadn't been. But then... a couple nights ago we think he felt a kick!! About freaken time.

I wonder what he's doing in there a lot. It has to be so boring. I mean you're just floating around with nothing to do but move your limbs around. It's dark. You've never seen the world. I know it's completely irrational, but I feel kinda bad for him sometimes like how is he not sooooo bored???

We signed up for a childbirth class, it runs on Mondays from 6:30-9, from October 21-November 18th. The last class is actually a breastfeeding class that is thrown in for "free." I'm looking forward to it because Eric needs some education LOL. Also I just think it'll help with my anxiety.

I meet with the Asst. Superintendent tomorrow to go over all my maternity leave stuff. I'm nervous. I mean I have an idea of what he will say and I shouldn't be nervous, but I am!!

We picked out a wallpaper border for the nursery!! We're going to paint and then put this border down

 Well I want to paint, Eric still thinks we should leave the walls ivory because he thinks it looks good. No it doesn't. The colors in the border match perfect with the bedding, and the animals in it do too. I also like that it's the alphabet because I think that's cute in nurseries, and now I can bring that secondary theme into the room. We need to get started on the room though. No energy.