28 weeks

Sometimes I still forget i'm pregnant. Which I know is funny seeing as how I am getting huge, but when I'm busy and he's not moving much, I forget. And then I'm like oh yea.... And then I am hit with the fact that a person is living inside of me all over again. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. He just gave me 2 huge kicks under my ribs as I typed that. Probably to remind me that he's real.

So earlier I took a nap. I went to get out of bed and... was hit with the worst leg cramp I have ever felt. Calling it a leg cramp is an understatment. I could not move my leg. Like the whole thing. Then from the calf to ankle it went into this involuntary contracture that you could see indenting through the skin. It was SO painful but also freaking me out so much because it looked gross and alien too. Usually with a cramp I get up and try to walk it off, flex my foot up, try to run warm water over the muscle, etc. But like I said, I could not move the leg!! It was like the muscle contraction was paralyzing it. Eric went and wet a towel with hot water and wrapped it around my leg and rubbed, and it helped a little. it FINALLY started to go away and eric helped me limp to the shower where i hosed down the muscle with warm water. Ugh. And in the middle of it all Sophie had to come in and investigate and was all up in my business - so ridiculous. I don't have any bananas to eat either, although I took a calcium pill which also helps. I'm so scared this will happen again!!

I do find though that most pregnancy symptoms in general are pretty tolerable - because you know what is causing them. Fear of the unknown definitely plays a role in the random pains you normally get causing you distress. But when you're pregnant, you know the reason. Before I was pregnant I thought i'd be a nervous twit when I was... but I really don't think I am. The only time I ever called my dr about anything was when I fell in the hallway at work walking down for my yearbook picture (lol) and other people told me to call just to be safe (i was fine.) But damn the sheer pain of that leg thing before was terrible. Also, I have random nights where I just feel "achey" and "off"... and tonight is turning into one. I'm actually feeling a little nauseous now. Sometimes I randomly throw up too - it's not even like an "oooo i'm so sick" puke just a random nausea, I puke, and feel better and go about my business. I'm pretty sure it's just because my stomach is being compressed. It doesn't happen everyday; maybe once a week. 

So I failed my 1 hour glucose screen. Apparently something like 40% of women do (it's very inaccurate and I don't think it should even be used!) but I know I am unlucky with everything, so I was worried I had the 'betes. All I was imagining was Wilfred Brimley on a horse talking about diabetic testing supplies and having to poke myself and I wanted to throw up. (Yes, I am a nurse and stick needles in people all the time but it';s different when it's YOU!)

So, last Saturday I had to go in for the 3 hour test. Basically, it sucked. I went to the new ACM lab though on Elmgrove Rd, and it was awesome. I will never go to another lab again. Most labs are dingy, old, cramped waiting rooms, kinda ghetto in general. This new one has a big waiting room with lots of windows, it very clean, had a TV that was playing I Love Lucy and then The Golden Girls (2 of my fav shows ever!!!), and good staff. I had to fast, then go in at 8:30am and get my fasting blood drawn, then drink 100 grams of sugar (SO GROSS. The 1 hour test is only 50 grams and didn't taste that bad) then get my blood drawn an hour later, 2 hours later, and 3 hours later. 4 times total all out of the same vein - it's still bruised. The first hour was the worst because my body was dealing with the sugar rush and it was making me sooooo tired and I was super hungry and also nauseous from the sugar drink. But anyway I was told yesterday that i PASSED. So no gestational diabetes for me. 

Oh and when I finally went to leave at 11:45, I couldn't find my keys. I went up to the desk after searching for like 10 mins, and the receptionist was like oh they're yours!! I should have known, you're the only one that 's been there the whole time. Pregnancy brain?. Except honestly, I lose my keys all the time, all over the place. So really, I can't blame it on anything other than my own inherent absentmindedness.

For my own records, my BG level for the 1 hour was 173 - pretty high (failing is over 140). My numbers for the 3 hour were all passing: 85 (fail is over 95), 170 (fail is over 180), 147 (fail is over 155), 137 (fail is over 140). If you fail more than 2 numbers then you have gestational diabetes. I find it weird that my BG was actually LOWER 1 hour after drinking 100g of sugar than it was 1 hour after drinking only 50g of sugar. Only thing I can think of is a) i was a candy-a-holic the week before the 1 hour and b)I didn't fast as much before. Whatever, I'm happy I passed.

I am tired all the time in general though and have no energy. I wish I had more energy and motivation to work on my new house but I just don't. The smallest task seems so monumental. Just keeping the house semi-cleaned is enough work, let alone finding places for things, decorating etc. We still have shit to move from my mom's house that we need to borrow a truck for - it keeps getting put off. I bought curtains for our bedroom and eric put them up today... and I don't like them lol. So now I have to return them and get something new, and that task seems so daunting to do. 

In general I really don't feel awful, even though I just spent an entire entry complaining. It's really neat to feel him kick and move. I have been getting Brazton-Hicks contractions more and more. When they started around 20 weeks it was every few days. Now it's every couple hours. At least I think they're BH. I asked the nurse practitioner and she didn't really give me a good answer - just said yea they probably are. They don't hurt, just feel like a weird pressure. 

Oh we got the bedding for the baby's room. http://www.buybuybaby.com/store/product/kidsline-safari-party-crib-bedding-collection/208453?categoryId=32003  I have no idea how to paint the nursery and I don't like Eric's suggestions. This is too hard.

27 weeks - 3rd Trimester

I will be 27 weeks on Tuesday (so basically in a day). That officially starts not only Month 7, but also the THIRD TRIMESTER. In case you were unaware, that is the last one. No more trimesters after that. At the end of the 3rd you get a baby. Sometimes I stop and really think about it and I cannot imagine having a child. I do not know how to be someone's mom. I feel like I am so busy as it is, how will I add a kid to the mix. Obviously, I know that logically, some really stupid people have kids and manage it, so I will too. It's actually better to not think about it too much, to go through the motions of preparing for baby, without being introspective about it because I think doing so would make many people have a freaken anxiety attack.

According to the internets, the baby is around 15 inches and 2.5 lbs now. While that is small for a full term baby, that seems huge to me lol. I can't believe a person that big is living in my body.

Oh also I am having lots of fear about giving birth. About dying but also just the thought of having to do it is so surreal. Childbirth is something that other women do, not me. I really don't want to do it either. Because it is painful but also because it is weird.  I've never been hospitalized before, the whole thing is just so strange. Weird to be in a hospital, to be poked around, just the process itself is SURREAL.

I took these last week:

lol I cannot take pics in a mirror. 26 weeks.

26 weeks

Owning a house is exhausting. Well not really, but it's impossible to keep it all tidy and neat. As soon as you clean something, something else is a mess. Add in the fact that I get home from work at 3pm (yes, I am so lucky that I get out that early everyday) and I'm so damn tired that I usually spend about an hour attending to what I like to refer to as my "personal secretarial business" (phone calls, etc. There's a lot of companies and people to contact when you take on 50 new bills, get a new job - ie new income and insurance, and a new house with it's tax situation.) and then I nap till like 6pm. Then have to run errands, try to be home by 8:30. I have to eat at some point (and clean up all that). Then shower and my hair, and that's when I get chores and cleaning done too. I should be in bed by 10:30 but I consider 11:30 a good time. Up at 6:30am.

Oh also we still have things at my mom's to move, and we really need to oh, i don't know, set up and decorate rooms besides the living room. It's hard to find time to do that. This weekend I was up at 9 on Saturday to go to that glucose test. Home at 12. Ate, nap from 1-2:15. Worked 3-11:30, went to my mom's until 12:30am because I was needed. Today was "Bills Day" where Eric is useless after like noon. I had errands and groceries to get anyway. Life is busy. How do people find time to decorate entire houses? I don't understand.

Anyway, I changed my mind about the baby bedding. Friday night I went to Buy Buy Baby and found a set that I REALLY like. So no more Peter Rabbit theme, and going with this one instead. I know in the long run it doesn't matter at all, but little things like this are nice to focus on lol.

As mentioned, I had my glucose screen (the screening for gestational diabetes) done on Saturday 9/14. I pray to god I pass. The drink itself didn't taste terrible. Except apparently they usually have it refrigerated but they had none in the fridge, so I had to drink it room temp. The workers didin't give a shit; they were working at a lab on a Saturday morning - enough said about their level of morale. But having it cold would have made it soooo much better. I actually struggled more with getting the sheer volume of the liquid down. My stomach is so squished that I can't eat/drink large amts anymore. This other pregnant chick came in like 10 mins after me and chugged hers down. You have 5 mins to drink it and she was done like a minute before me, despite starting after me. They had to "yell" at me to finish it. I could never chug now, I think I would literally puke (actually, i HAVE thrown up a few times lately from pressure/over full stomach. Never threw up during early pregnancy, but NOW is the time I do it lol). Anyway, I felt very judged, like I wasn't as compliant, since I couldn't chug it too. The sugar drink made me feel sleepy, and made the baby feel very kicky. It was incredibly boring to sit in the waiting room for an hour too, so if I fail and have to do the 3 hour test, I will be super annoyed that I have to sit there for 3 HOURS.

He kicks and moves a lot but I'm the only one that he does it for lol. You can feel him doing it if you put your hand on my belly - in theory. Because as soon as someone, besides me, tries to feel, he stops. It's kind of neat to think though that I'm the only one in the entire world that is *physically* aware of his presence. I mean, someday, during the course of his life, thousands and thousands of people will be aware of his physical presence. But for now, there's just one, and that is me. And I'm the first. But it would be nice if he stopped making such a liar out of me. Also, every time I decide to go to a store, he decides to sit on my bladder or something. It's not a feeling you get when not-pregnant. It's just a weird sudden pressure on my bladder so even though I technically probably don't have much pee in me - I need to run to a bathroom. I wish I knew how he was positioned in there actually. I feel kicks and flutters and movements all over so I think (?) he still has enough room to roll around in there. I have a dr's appt Wednesday and I plan on asking about that.

25 weeks, kinda annoyed.

I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore. I feel uncomfortable, I feel pregnant. And there is still so much time left! Pregnancy should not be 40 weeks, that is just too long. I mean, you spend almost a year of your life hosting a creature in your body. Being pregnant is disorienting. People always talk about women being stronger because of the pain of childbirth (which is true!) but also they are because they have to deal with their entire body changing; it's a trip. All my leg and arm muscles ache, why exactly? I don't know. My butt muscles and "butt bone" hurts all the time too. My pubic symphasis (front of my pelvis) is stretching out. You know what it feels like to have the fibrous tissue attaching 2 bones spread out? It hurts, dude. And you just have to live with it and not complain too much because no one like a whiny pregnant woman. We're supposed to act like this is normal to be in constant pain with changing body proportions. Because yes, it's not just my belly that is growing bigger. Everything is growing bigger or moving around (like that previously mentioned pelvis that is stretching out).

 My little ol' uterus is now bigger than a soccer ball. And will continue to grow until it's 500x it's size. My blood volume is 50% greater. My HEART is pushed more to the left. Yes, your freaken HEART moves, that's comforting. My intestines have been moved. I had horrible gas pains the other night. SO painful. But what freaked me out the most is that the gas proved to me that my intestines have moved. They are not in the low belly like before. But all over the place, and up high by my diaphragm, where they just shouldn't be. My stomach is squished. I get constant heart burn and can only eat meals the size of a gastric bypass patient. The other night I ate cereal, and Popsicle. Got in bed and started to feel VERY nauseous; it felt like a ton of pressure in my stomach too. After about 1/2 hour of suffering I went into the bathroom and puked multiple times. First time I have really thrown up this pregnancy! As soon as I threw up I felt instantly better  It's because there was no room in my squished stomach. (that was also the night that 2 hours later i woke up with the horrendous gas pains. It was a bad night.) And let's not even talk about the bladder situation. It's like having a horrible untreated UTI all the time (my UTIs are always just frequency/urgency, I've never had the burning pain like a lot of people). I will pee and then wash my hands and have to go again. Sleep is a joke just because of my bladder.

Now, let's add in the fact that another human is inside you. Moving around. Kicking all these messed up organs and making it worse. Putting weird pressure on everything.

It's weird. Just weird. And I miss how it felt to not be pregnant. I don't even remember what that feels like anymore and I'm scared after I have the baby my body will always *feel* different.

I didn't type all that just to complain. Pregnancy is always crazy, awesome, amazing, interesting, etc. But it's also just WEIRD, and uncomfortable, and downright painful too. It's a lot of things, at least to me. You won't find me waxing poetic about how I loved being pregnant, but I won't be bitching about how I hated it either.

I need a nap. I am in a bad mood because I can home from work (the new job I love) to a letter from my old job (that I dislike) stating that my date of full-time employment ended on 8/12 and that I went per diem at that time, and that my benefits ended then. NO. My last date of FT employment was 8/23, I was still working FT between those 2 dates. Called the number on the letter and the lady was no help - said to email my manager because she's the one that sent the incorrect date. You'd think that HR would be able to pull up my employment record dates, but apparently that is too much. So now I wait to see what my ex-manager has to say. I had a prenatal appt between 8/12-8/23 which means I will get a bill for that appt if they don't fix this. I even have my most recent paycheck that has my FT rate at the top and that I am a FT nurse, and the paycheck covers the dates they claim I was no longer working FT. Why are people just so stupid? I hate dealing with stupid shit like this caused by stupid people causing headaches in your life because of their stupidity.

In other news, the school year has started and I love being a school nurse. At least I got out of there and don't have to deal with my ex-job's stupidness all the time (except for those 2 per diem shifts a month...)