Callum John is here!! Callum is pronounced like Cal (as in california) and then Um. it's scottish and is a form of the latin word columbia which means peace. So now you know.
It's taken me over a week to make it to a computer. Who knows how long it'll take me to actually type this lol as he will want to be eating soon... and then I'm running to bed. Beware, I don't spare details and I get graphic.
So I last wrote Monday night... in which I believe I was already in early labor. I went to bed and told Eric it would be happening soon (altho I didn't think that night lol.) Went to bed at like 1:30 and a little after 3am I woke up with a start - I was in a lot of pain. But it felt like pressure-pain like I had been having. Peed and laid back down. A few minutes later I felt it again. At some point I thought maybe I should time these. I had a contraction timer app, so I was laying in bed, trying to hit when I felt the pain and when it stopped, and dozed in between. They were all over the place, sometimes up to 13 minutes apart so at this point I still didn't know/think that they were contractions. I thought I was just having pains as usual. Around 530 I thought they were going away. Around 6 or 630 they came back...stronger. At that point i KNEW. And I started to panic! I was texting my mom, and woke up Eric. He had been sleeping through a lot of the night. They started hurting BAD, where I was groaning in pain and hating life whenever I had one. They weren't like how childbirth class told me they'd be. They were LOW like in my pelvis and squeezed around to my back. There were none up high, like at my fundus or really any uterine involvement.
I called the on-call dr and she was like oh you're still talking through the contractions (um NO I WASN"T) and it's your first baby so it'll take like 14 hours so take a shower and eat something and then go in. WORST ADVICE EVER. Never should have listened, should have went in then. Eric and I both showered, with me yelling in pain, having contractions. Eric tried to make me breakfast but by that point I had NO interest in food. I had originally told my mom we'd meet her at the hospital but I called her and said no come to the house. I was paniced because I had so much to do - had to dry my hair and straighten it (AGAIN - stupid ass doctor) and just get our bags and I couldn't think straight. Finally we were like ok we have to leave now! It was around 8:30 at that point. I kept telling Eric to hurry and cussing out all the slow drivers on the road.
Got to the hospital, had a contraction in the parking lot and some random man came up and helped carry in my bag. Had another contraction in the hospital hallway. Got buzzed into the birth center and went to the main desk. They're trying to talk to me all normal and i'm like omg shut uppp I can't listen to you right now! I had a contraction at the desk and was just moaning in pain. They got me into triage and had me go pee in a cup... again that was horrible trying to pee in a cup while having a contraction. They sent my mom out to the waiting room because only 1 support person is allowed in triage. Felt like it took FOREVER for a nurse to come into my triage room. I was having contractions and like yelling out/screaming and no position felt good. Eric went out I think at one point like how much longer??? A nurse finally came in and hooked me up to a monitor and started an IV on me. And then a PA FINALLY came in and checked me. 4-5 cm and told me I was being admitted. Took me to room #1 lol since it was the shortest walk. I went to pee and when I came back out my sisters and mom were in there.
I wanted an epidural and the anesthesiologist was just about to do a C-Section, so she came in to do my epi quick. They sent everyone out of the room. Getting an epidural is not fun. You have to hold still, while having horrifically painful contractions. And hunch your body. ANd they're poking needles and numbing stuff and test doses all into you and telling you not to move. Well my left leg started to feel numb. Had some more contractions that I felt - the doctor said I'd feel the next 3 contractions but then they should start to get better. They got better on my left side but not my right. So the doctor pulled back on the catheder a little bit to try and move it in my back to get to right side nerves. She said well the only other thing to do is start over. But she had to go do the C/S. Idk, but she left. My family came back in and I was still feeling contractions but was feeling a lot better. They had just settled me in bed and I had a contraction, when all of a sudden water was everywhere. My water had broke. I was just like "my water broke" all calm about it. It was everywhere though and 2 nurses had to change the bed and I had the dead left leg. It wasn't bad then though because the epidural was giving me some mild relief. That lasted for about 20 minutes?
Then all of a sudden I started feeling them again. But worse. At that point things are now fuzzy. Because basically the epidural stopped working. I cannot describe the extent of the pain. It was just tearing through me and nothing you can do. All I can say is worse pain you can ever ever imagine. They also put a foley catheder in me somewhere around then, and that hurt so freaken bad. They kept apologizing and I was like no no, I know you have to do it. I remember grabbing the siderails, grabbing onto eric's hoodie pocket, and yelling. My mom kept trying to get me to breathe but I couldn't. All I could do was yell through the pain. I repeatedly said "I can't do this," " I want to go home" and then "I want to die! Just let me die!"
At some point they were coming really close together, like I had no break. I cried "why are they so close together!!" Around that time my nurse was supposed to have her lunch break and her relief nurse was like are you gonna go and she didn't think she should but I wanted her to because I was thinking "i don't want to take away a nurse's lunch" I heard them say it was my first so i'd probably still be in labor till 5pm (it was like 1230 at that time). I was like fuck no I'm not. Lol it's weird the thoughts I was having throughout labor. Like I also remember being jealous of everyone in the room that they got to be observers and I had to be the one going through it. The relief nurse was really great too and I remember her talking to me to relax me - Eric says she helped me but I don't even remember.
Anyway, around then I started getting urges to push. Everyone was telling me not to, that if you push when you're not ready that you increase your risk for a C/S. I was trying not to push but at the end of a contraction my body just did it. I was getting SO frustrated with everyone saying that so I yelled "I cant fucking help it!! im trying not to but im just doing it!!" Things hurts SO SO SO bad. I had been feeling nauseous and Eric had a basin and then finally I puked. I was classically in transition and in the back of my head I knew it (contractions on top of each other, very long and painful, yelling that i can't do it, urge to push, throwing up, etc). The nurses were still talking about having the anesthesiologist come bac to redo my epidural at this point LOL yeah right! My mom apparently asked them when I'd be checked around this time though. Long story short, a PA came in and checked me and I was 10 cm. I had gotten there sooner than everyone thought - it was around 1pm at this time. So they got me in position and told me how to push. Honestly it was a *little* bit better when I could start pushing. It was like I was doing something instead of just writhing in pain. My sisters were lifting the back of my head up and 2 people had my legs - I think eric and my mom and Monica my nurse? lol I don't even know. The PA put her hand in my crotch to feel and was like "sorry!" and I remember it felt better - like relieved some pressure. And I asked her to leave her hand there LOL. The PA told me when I was pushing effectively and I felt the difference between a "good" push and a "not so good" push but... it was a lot harder to do a good push lol. So sometimes I would get lazy and do not-so-good ones. I would have a contraction, want to cry because I felt it coming on and didn't want the pain, then pushhhhhhh for like 30 seconds and then collaspse back. At one point they got a bar and put a sheet over it so I could pull on that when pushing, and put my feet up on it. Helped SO much. I remember my sisters talking over my head and I yelled at them " SHUT UP!" because I wanted to know what they were saying but couldn't hear and I was jealous lol. I couldn't get the sentance out to say "what are you saying" so just yelling shut up was easier.
At some point they could see his head. I never knew if they could see it high up or if he was crowning. They just kept saying it though. I remember the PA getting soap out when he was actually closer down and soaping his head up. Then all of a sudden the pressure was so painful and was burning. I didn't want to push because it hurt so much worse and I knew it was his head coming close. He really was crowning then. Maybe that's when she did the soap, lol I don't know. Everyone was going down to look - and it's true what they say. You really don't care. The room had a few more people coming in, i think the actual attending doctor came in around then. Can't remember her name - I have to ask my mom or Eric. My sister apparently took a video and Eric took pics of him coming out, lol I had no idea. At this point I was like in an alternate consciousness. In between contractions I was kinda almost sleeping but not really... it was weird. I would lean back, rest, then feeling another coming and tell everyone "i'm about to have one" and then get myself in the pushing position. It was burning and hurting so bad (so much pressure!!!) and I remember thinking "oh god, I am about to tear. This is it. This is the moment I've been dreading." I took a breathe and started pushing again, this time even when I wasn't having contractions. more people came in the room, felt like it was full of them. I knew it was gonna be any minute at that point. I just wanted it OVER. I was SO exhausted. Then idk, everyone was getting super excited. Eric told them we wanted to do delayed cord cutting if possible. They said thats fine as long as he's okay. More pushing... And his head popped out and then his body just slithered out - I honestly don't even remember this though. He was born at 2:16pm :)
He did a gurgely cry and they said they had to take him over to the warmer right away. Eric said what about the delayed cutting and they were like no we have to take him over, and I was like no take him. Eric cut the cord and they took him over and just had to suction him a bunch. He had a lot of mucous and was grunting. It wasn't serious but just had to get it all out. Everyone was over at the warmer and I couldn't even see him, lol the first 5 minutes all I saw was his legs through the wall of people. The PA and doctor were busy stitching me up - tmi but I actually didnt even tear much/bad. I won't get into that but they kept saying sorry! (they try to give you numbing shots but eh, you still feel things) and I was like oh no it's fine! So, feeling your crotch be stitched feels like nothing compared to giving birth. All during labor the nurses and my mom told me I would forget this pain. So right then after he was born, i yelled out "I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!!!!" lol my sisters are still laughing about it.
Anyway, I was kinda dazed and exhausted and JUST SO HAPPY labor was over. I felt a contraction like 10 minutes later and had a PTSD moment but then realized it was the placenta. That was delivered with like 1 contraction and 1 push and then I felt GREAT. Pain gone. My mom and Eric kept walking back and forth between me and the baby. They finished stitching me and then I finally got to hold my baby after like 15 minutes.
So Callum was born Tuesday 12/10/13 at exactly 39 weeks gestation, he was 7 lbs 7oz, 20 inches long. No idea what his apgar scores were cuz I forgot to ask. Im sure they werent that good. At discharge his bilirubin level was 9.2.
An hour later the anesthesiologist came in, she had just gotten out of surgery. And apologized. LOL. Also my left thigh was numb for an entire day. Basically it all just went to my leg.
Dr. Tripp came in the next day and was like "I have to take a state exam every 6 years and yesterday was THE DAY i had to go and do it! And that's the day you had the baby!" He also basically said the anesthegiologist sucked lol. It was fine though not having my actual doctor there... didn't even think about it in the moment because shit was so intense.
I could go on and on and talk about the hospital stay too but I'm getting sick of typing. So I'll leave it at that. But I know I'll be coming back to edit this entry as I think of additional details that I'm forgetting now.
Things ARE starting to get fuzzy compared to a week ago. I wish I had written this then. I haven't forgotten the pain though. I cannot believe I gave birth and felt it all. It was horrendous. But I'm so glad it's over and we have Callum here :) He is a lot of work. It's now joke. He really is good though. He usually only cries when he's hungry or when we're changing his diaper lol. He's eating every 2-3 hours when I breastfeed (more like every 2 hours ugh) and when we give formula it's 3-4. I've had BF issues... I just don't really like it but I'm continuing to do it. Took him to the pediatrictions on Monday and everything was good. He was 7lbs and they said 19.5 inches long and head was 13.5inches. I was a nervous wreck about his eating at the pedi's office, and the pediatriction calmed me down SO much and then we saw a lacation nurse and she helped too. Whenever he cries I think he's hungry. That's one of my anxieties that I need to get over lol. But sometimes he really IS hungry like when it's midnight and he's in the middle of a cluster feeding marathon. Ugh. Cluster feeding is THE WORST THING EVER. But other than that he's awesome lol
I've posted a ton of pictures of him on facebook, so look there for now. I'm done with this entry.
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