25 weeks, kinda annoyed.

I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore. I feel uncomfortable, I feel pregnant. And there is still so much time left! Pregnancy should not be 40 weeks, that is just too long. I mean, you spend almost a year of your life hosting a creature in your body. Being pregnant is disorienting. People always talk about women being stronger because of the pain of childbirth (which is true!) but also they are because they have to deal with their entire body changing; it's a trip. All my leg and arm muscles ache, why exactly? I don't know. My butt muscles and "butt bone" hurts all the time too. My pubic symphasis (front of my pelvis) is stretching out. You know what it feels like to have the fibrous tissue attaching 2 bones spread out? It hurts, dude. And you just have to live with it and not complain too much because no one like a whiny pregnant woman. We're supposed to act like this is normal to be in constant pain with changing body proportions. Because yes, it's not just my belly that is growing bigger. Everything is growing bigger or moving around (like that previously mentioned pelvis that is stretching out).

 My little ol' uterus is now bigger than a soccer ball. And will continue to grow until it's 500x it's size. My blood volume is 50% greater. My HEART is pushed more to the left. Yes, your freaken HEART moves, that's comforting. My intestines have been moved. I had horrible gas pains the other night. SO painful. But what freaked me out the most is that the gas proved to me that my intestines have moved. They are not in the low belly like before. But all over the place, and up high by my diaphragm, where they just shouldn't be. My stomach is squished. I get constant heart burn and can only eat meals the size of a gastric bypass patient. The other night I ate cereal, and Popsicle. Got in bed and started to feel VERY nauseous; it felt like a ton of pressure in my stomach too. After about 1/2 hour of suffering I went into the bathroom and puked multiple times. First time I have really thrown up this pregnancy! As soon as I threw up I felt instantly better  It's because there was no room in my squished stomach. (that was also the night that 2 hours later i woke up with the horrendous gas pains. It was a bad night.) And let's not even talk about the bladder situation. It's like having a horrible untreated UTI all the time (my UTIs are always just frequency/urgency, I've never had the burning pain like a lot of people). I will pee and then wash my hands and have to go again. Sleep is a joke just because of my bladder.

Now, let's add in the fact that another human is inside you. Moving around. Kicking all these messed up organs and making it worse. Putting weird pressure on everything.

It's weird. Just weird. And I miss how it felt to not be pregnant. I don't even remember what that feels like anymore and I'm scared after I have the baby my body will always *feel* different.

I didn't type all that just to complain. Pregnancy is always crazy, awesome, amazing, interesting, etc. But it's also just WEIRD, and uncomfortable, and downright painful too. It's a lot of things, at least to me. You won't find me waxing poetic about how I loved being pregnant, but I won't be bitching about how I hated it either.

I need a nap. I am in a bad mood because I can home from work (the new job I love) to a letter from my old job (that I dislike) stating that my date of full-time employment ended on 8/12 and that I went per diem at that time, and that my benefits ended then. NO. My last date of FT employment was 8/23, I was still working FT between those 2 dates. Called the number on the letter and the lady was no help - said to email my manager because she's the one that sent the incorrect date. You'd think that HR would be able to pull up my employment record dates, but apparently that is too much. So now I wait to see what my ex-manager has to say. I had a prenatal appt between 8/12-8/23 which means I will get a bill for that appt if they don't fix this. I even have my most recent paycheck that has my FT rate at the top and that I am a FT nurse, and the paycheck covers the dates they claim I was no longer working FT. Why are people just so stupid? I hate dealing with stupid shit like this caused by stupid people causing headaches in your life because of their stupidity.

In other news, the school year has started and I love being a school nurse. At least I got out of there and don't have to deal with my ex-job's stupidness all the time (except for those 2 per diem shifts a month...)

I'm alive! 24 weeks 2 days

HOUSE:
So we bought a house! It was crazy and actually the closing was pretty anticlimactic. Just sat at a table with our attorney and signed some (ok, a million) papers.  Also, NY state sucks – the amt being escrowed for my taxes is more than the actual mortgage.  My mortgage payment is like 40% actual mortgage 60% for my property taxes/mortgage insurance. DUMB. I already knew it was like this since I worked paying delinquent property taxes around the country for 3 years. So I saw the property tax rates everywhere, and saw that most other states pay peanuts for their property taxes compared to here. But it still hurts when it happens to you LOL.

  The seller’s attorney hadn’t given our attorney a house key though which was so stupid. Hello, how are we supposed to get in. Luckily we know the neighbor across the street, and she had a key to the house, so we could get in. But moving was a PIA with coordinating when we were gonna get move all the heavy furniture. Which we still haven’t moved a lot of. Thanks to my parents though for all the help. and also Eric's mom and sister for all the kitchen stuff!

We have been having fun setting things up. We’re starting from scratch and that is hard – don’t even wanna think about the money spent on things. Also, why are window treatments so insanely expensive?  There's lots to clean. Basically cleaning, buying, setting up, taking down, making returns, buying more, cleaning more, organizing. Buying more. That has been the theme so far. All our utilities are hooked up and ready to go now... got Frontier internet yesterday and I reccomend it. Way cheaper than TWC and so far, no difference in speed. I'm online, watching a video on MTV and Eric is on his Xbox doing some online gaming and no difference than when we did this on cable internet. And they give you the modem/router for free and it's a nice router that we got too. Just a little plug for them lol.

But yea, having our own house is awesome and I can’t believe we get to STAY here (well lets hope we can after that first mortgage payment comes due LOL). Still doesn’t feel real!!

I'm posting pics on facebook soon of the house...

BABY:

Had a doctors appt Friday, the 23rd.  Everything was good. He went over the 20 week anatomy scan (again) and said everything was textbook perfect.  Fluid levels were perfect, ventricles in the brain were good, 4 chamber heart was good, all organs were good, bones were good, etc. He measured my belly, they measure from the top of your pubic bone to the top of your fundus (which is the top of your uterus) and it should be about the same amount of centimeters as the amount of weeks pregnant you are. I was 23 weeks (and 3 days) pregnant and it measured 23 cm, so that was spot on. I have gained 10lbs officially from my first appt at 6 weeks (although it is more like 12-13lbs based on pre-preg weight). They said that is very good. He also reviewed my 1^st trimester screen results which were also all good. He said the blood test said my Down Syndrome risk was 1 in 5500. The average for my age is 1 in 1200-ish, so I’m very good. I feel very lucky to be having such a healthy pregnancy, because I know there’s a million things that could go wrong and know that a lot of people have difficulties. I hope things continue to go ok…

I feel him kick a lot, especially the past few days. Although I don't really keep track of how often. He has been kicking me the bladder a lot and rolling on it. It makes me go from not having to pee to suddenly having to pee SO bad. The other night I was on the couch and got such a hard kick I almost peed my pants, like i don't know how it didn't happen. My newest annoying symptom is terrible acid reflux. I have a burning in my stomach and it's so bad it makes me cough a lot. I'm probably OD'ing on Pepcid and Tums but it's so bad!

Sleeping is okay right now, I go through phases where a few weeks I sleep like shit and a few weeks I sleep okay. I still can sleep on my stomach a little bit, but have to adjust my belly to the side. However, sleeping on my side is actually more comfortable...surprisingly. I used to hate side sleeping. I have a comforter on each side of me and depending on which side I roll onto, I contour the comforter into a body pillow. I highly recommend this. A regular body pillow doesn't get those nooks and crannies like the comforter setup does.  Also, I should add, I hate rolling over because without fail, my heavy uterus rolls over my bladder in the process, and I have to pee. I stay on one uncomfortable side praying that I just magically fall asleep because I don't wanna get up to pee when i do the rollover. I wake up about every 2 hours to pee and I pee about 4-5x while trying to fall asleep. Overall, about 8 times a night. Annoying.

This is me at 24 weeks 3 days. Aka 6.5 months.

We have a tentative name picked out but I'm too scared to share because I'm scared of the judgement and stupid things people say. Although many people already know it, some people who ask I say we're not sure because I don't wanna share. It's kinda of hit or miss depending on the mood I'm in, if I'm going to share or not lol. The initials are CJG. Could definitely still change.

I have to go between 9/10-9/24 for my 1 hour glucose test. I hope I pass. I'm scared. Of course my insurance is changing Sept 1st and I know it'll be my luck that it'll take forever for my new insurance cards to come so I'm actually more stressed about the billing situation during that time than the actual test itself. Also I'm AM scared they'll tell me I have the 'betes. Especially since my newest food craving is candy. In particular, I go to the bulk section and get a bag of sour patch kids (heavy on the red ones) and then a bag of the pic-a-mix candy of mostly pink Starbursts (with a few other colors for good measure), caramel cremes, and a few peppermint patties. And also fruit snacks are delicious too. Sugar!

I feel like EVERYONE is pregnant right now. Seriously, i didn't know there was a bandwagon, but apparently I got on it back in March/April. Can't wait for my stop though, getting tired of this wagon ride.

WORK:

I love my job. I'm on "summer pay" right now (an hourly rate above & beyond my salary - i'm a 10 month employee. the hourly rate is actually more than my rate at the hospital!) and just got my first paycheck!I won't get my first salaried paycheck till Sept 21st though. Working an evening shift this weekend at the hospital, not really looking forward to it but the extra money is nice.

IN CLOSING:
I am watching Teen Mom 3 right now and I don't know how teen girls can do this, when I am 28 and pregnant and don't know how I'm gonna take care of a baby. All in all though I am in a good place and probably the happiest I've been so far in my adult life. Which kind of scares me because I feel like you shouldn't be *too* happy because then God/karma/fate will take it away. Or a crying baby at 3am. 

Halfway there

21 weeks on Tuesday. We had a doctors appt this past tuesday (20 weeks). Everything was good. Everything with the anatomy scan (ie the "big" ultrasound) looked NORMAL. They yelled at me for never going to get tested for spina bifida and some other stuff. I honestly forgot, since I have soooo much going on. Plus, I mean, wouldn't shit like that show up on the ultrasound anyway? They said I have until I'm 22 weeks + 6 days so there's still time. It's just like... ugh when do I have time to go sit in a lab waiting room to have blood drawn, when there's really no point anyway. Not like finding out really changes anything if something WAS wrong. And the ultrasound was normal anyway, no holes seen in baby's spine. Blah maybe I'll still go because I like looking like a compliant patient. I felt the same way about the cystic fibrosis test when they told me I was a carrier and Eric should get tested. Didn't feel like paying all the money for him to get tested... when it doesn't change our DNA, and since the baby was already created, doesn't change his DNA either. What's the point, when you can't DO anything about it???

Other than that, we heard baby's heartbeat, it was in the 140s and there was all this random static and the doctor said that static was him moving. We met with the other dr at that practice, which was cool since she could be the one there when I deliver. I love Dr. Tripp, but I liked this doctor too.

I've gained about 9 pounds.  Well according to the doctor's office it's only 6.5 pounds, but that was based on my weight at my first doctors appt - which was when I was already 6 or 7 weeks pregnant.  I am going by my weight on literally the day I found out I was pregnant, at like 3 weeks 5 days, (yes I found out eaaaaarly), which I call my "pre-pregnancy" weight. So based on my weight THAT day, it's really 9 pounds. She said that was great and on target. I feel like I've gained 20 - I feel SO fat. They told me to shoot for about 20 pounds total and I really want to watch that since I spent a lot of time losing weight before getting pregnant. I worked so hard and I don't want to ruin that work.

Tired all the time. Some of that is probably stress related. And my pelvic bones ache all the time - not painful, but annoying. I don't even notice it usually since I'm so used to it.

I hate how all baby stuff is either: PINK PINK RIBBON FLUFF or BLUE BLUE BROWN SPORTS. What happened to a baby just being... an infant. Not genderized? I actually read an article that first off, up until the 1940s boys wore pink and girls wore blue - but mostly all babies wore white, unisex baby clothes. Most baby clothes were pretty unisex until the mid 1980s when finding out baby's sex via ultrasound before birth became popular. It was around then that the dichotomy started. Idk, it's just so overdone. Infants don't know they are a boy or a girl, they're a baby. We were at Kohl's today and I looked at the baby section. I kinda was not feeling anything. There was 1 rack of blue and brown clothes for boys - some with sports and monkey pictures on them. Then 4 racks of baby girl clothes, of course,- all pink and purple with ruffles. Just... it's a little boring. Don't get me wrong, I still think most clothes are cute!  This is just something I've noticed that is kinda annoying.

I start working 2 jobs on Tuesday. Last week Gates called me and asked if I could start sooner than 9/3. How soon? In a week. Lol ok then. They need me for sports physicals and to train me all up before school starts. Well I'm still stuck at my current job until we close on the house . So I'll be working 7am-11am at the school, and then 3-11:30pm at the hospital. The school wants me full time but for now said it's okay to work just in the mornings. UGHHHH. Not sure when we're closing, still waiting. SO SICK OF WAITING. Especially now that I'm pregnant and working 16.5 hour days every day because I'm stuuuuck. I've turned in ALL the documents they wanted except the copy of the cancelled check for the "good faith" deposit I had to give to the seller's attorney. Well they haven't cashed it yet... so I can't exactly give the mortgage company a copy of a cancelled check that hasn't been cashed, can I? Got our appraisal report... everything was good and no repairs to the property were required, yay. My attorney's office said they needed my homeowner's insurance binder in order to set the closing date... I had that sent on Friday. So hopefully within the next couple days they give me a GD closing date!! Insurance starts on 8/15 sooo I'd kinda like us to be owners of the house we're paying insurance on. Buying a house sucks major major ASS. I don't ever want to do this again!!

Not sure how my current job will take it when I'm like heeeey I'm quitting. Like tomorrow. They know I'm leaving but they think in September. Hopefully they still let me work per diem after I piss them off by quitting fulltime sooner than expected. Totally stressed about this!!

19 + weeks

We had our mid-pregnancy anatomy scan today and everything looked good! (at least that's what the tech said.) Baby is still a boy. Heart rate was 147 BPM and we got to hear it. He was 11 ounces. Measuring right on target at 19w2d (a few of the head measurements were like, 20 weeks though lol.) He looks like Eric. I will bet money on the fact that this kid will look like Eric.

I hesitate to post the 3D pictures because they are creepy. And the baby looks like Eric and Homer Simpson mated. But I know that's not REALLY what he looks like... I hope.

I don't feel him move as much as I used to. I used to feel him SO much. My placenta was confirmed as anterior, which is acting as a pillow between me and the baby. Every once in a while I feel a soft kick. Also, I sometimes get weird "pressure movements" I don't know how to describe it. It's either the baby rolling or my uterus growing, or something. No idea, just a weeeeird feeling.

We went and started a registry at babies r us last weekend. A little early but I just felt like doing it. I'm glad we started early because we were there for 2 hours and only scanned like, 6 things! And if you go and stalk my registry don't judge it because I have been adding and removing things via their website, like, everyday. We still need to test out strollers (i want a travel system). And I'm not getting my crib and bedroom furniture there, or nursery decor. I plan on doing a Peter Rabbit theme :)

I got the mortgage approval letter, and I've been collecting a million documents that the mortgage company now wants. Also, I know getting approved for a mortgage is a big deal for a lot of people but it's honestly a little anticlimatic to me. Maybe I just don't excite easily. 

Anyway, now there is so much work. I am emailing and calling my attorney, his paralegal, my mortgage broker, and various other people I need things from, multiple times a day. On top of it, I cannot find my checkbook ANYWHERE. I actually went and ordered new checks online today, and paid a lot of money to rush the shipment. Because I know I need to give a $500 "good faith" deposit to the seller that I haven't paid yet (the mortgage company wants documentation that it cleared my bank account... lol well I kinda gotta write the check first). It's always something. I also got in a fight with a very pushy realtor at the bank yesterday while getting my bank statements printed (she overheard me tell the bank teller that we weren't using a realtor - I've found realtor's HATE to hear you say that.)

 And got snippy with a stupid student worker at MCC today who did not understand that I just wanted an "unofficial" printout of my transcripts, and did NOT want to wait 5 days for an unneeded official one. (Um yes, the mortgage company wants to see my recent college grades, so prove that I was actually in school - mortgage companies are crazy, ya'll). I did get homeowner's insurance today, without any real issues (yet) so that was one thing that went smoothly. The policy starts 8/15 so I hope we've closed by then. I am actually probably calling off work tomorrow to get some of my personal business done. I just have so much to do!

Oh also, still super excited that I'm gonna be working at Gates Chili in September but nervous since clearly I didn't tell them I was pregnant at the interview or when I signed all the contract stuff. Who do I even tell and when? (Attn: people who have been pregnant and worked at a school in this area - what did you do?) Gah! Also I need to get ahold of a lady in benefits and another in payroll and they never answer their phone! I'm about to call the asst. superintendent (who i met with the sign all the papers - he DID say call with any questions) to tell him my problem. It makes me nervous that I just dreamed this all up and I'm not actually gonna work there lol. I did get a letter today in the mail from NY state saying my fingerprints are a-ok and I'm cleared to work at Gates Chili, so that's a little proof at least.

I brought Sophie to Kristen's tonight and she had a playdate with Kristen's dog, Layla. Sophie is a nut and spastic. She barked for the first time in months though at least. Thanks for letting my dog invade your house Kristen!

(Almost) 18 weeks

What's new? I started this blog to write down pregnancy symptoms and pregnancy related stuff so I will list some new symptoms. Some are weird and talking about pelvises and boobs. You are warned.

My hair has gotten very thick. My hair was already thick. It's not attractive. It looks dried out and HUGE. Like, frizzy and as wide as my shoulders. Actually, I think it's almost as thick as when I was kid. My hair has thinned as I've gotten older (although, like I said, still thick). But when I was a kid it was ridiculously huge. During my middle school years, I used to cry that I hated my hair (also, it became curly/frizzy around that time, after having straight hair as a younger kid. So, along with all the other ugliness of puberty - I really was basically a hot mess (glasses, zits, breast buds, chubbiness, etc). If you notice on my facebook page, I never post pictures from those puberty years, because I am still scarred by the horror of life during that time. But I digress...)

It's reaching those giant proportions again. I pretty much throw it up on top of my head all the time. It helps that I work as a nurse and spend 40 hours a week needing it thrown up on my head anyway. (That and the fact my work apparently doesn't believe in a/c, so its pretty much like working on the Sun.)

Ive been feeling a weird pressure in my uterus area. Kinda like if you felt gas pressure across your whole lower belly. Its just a weird feeling that I have never felt before. Also, when I lay down I will push along down my stomach and its squishy-squishy-HARD. I can feel the top of the fundus too (the top of the uterus). Its gross to me. I am a nurse, and went through a maternity clinical where I was feeling funduses. No problem. But when it's your own... it just skeeves me out.

I still have random pelvic pain. Sometimes the pubic symphysis hurts, but not as bad as a few weeks ago when it first started happening. The muscles on one side hurt all the time, but not hurt-hurt, just an annoying feeling. My pelvic outlet also "aches" most of the time, but it's more annoying, not really painful. Sometimes it actually grosses me out because I almost feel like I can *feel* the pelvic outlet spreading. Ugh, I have to stop talking about it!

Also I get random shooting pains in my boobs. I assume it has to do with growing boobs or something. Not much more to say on that, just wanted to document.

I bought a Belly Band and I love it. I am able to wear my shorts from last summer - which saves me money! Also it just provides a little belly support and I like the way it smooths me out. Yes, I will probably be wearing this thing long after I am no longer pregnant.

I worry about labor and birth ALL the time. I found a blog called Hurt by Homebirth, basically a collection of birth stories by women who had thier babies die or serious consequence from choosing a homebirth. It makes me feel a little better, believe it or not. I figure even though I am scared of all the interventions at the hospital, at least the priority is keeping me and the baby alive - even if I don't love the process. Sometimes I think, maybe I wont use drugs. Just get through it and get it over with. Because yes, once you get an epidural, you are stuck laying in bed. And it notoriously starts the epidural cycle effect. It slows down the progression of labor, which means you get pitocin which makes for more painful contractions, sometimes without being dilated enough = C-Section. Or it causes the baby's heart rate to drop.  Which it means you end up with a C-Section that way too. But you know what, even though I have about a 1/3 chance of those scenarios happening, I'm starting to be okay with that. All that matters is the baby is born healthy and alive, and I don't end up maimed or dead.

Things are looking good with the house. Got a new mortgage broker, (who is the most knowledgeable and helpful person we have talked to yet in this whole process, btw) and closing costs will be a lot less expensive. There is SO much to do and all kinds of random papers and BS. Our original purchase contract is technically invalid... because the seller never initialed at the bottom of all the pages! WTH.... how did his attorney and my attorney AND our old mortgage broker not see that? Idiots. So I called my attorney and left a message like "Um hey, we need an updated contract because the mortgage underwriters will be like 'hell no, DENY.'" Except I didn't word it like that on my voicemail. Ugh, it is seriously always something. SO hopefully all these people get the message and fix it. Good news is we are officially locked in on the mortgage rate, soooo at least I can relax a little about that. I think I have post-traumatic stress disorder from this whole process, except the process isn't "post" yet LOL.

Go on Tuesday for all the details about the job I was offered; aka the money and benefits. I'm so nervous because I know it will technically be a paycut (I don't know what they are going to offer yet but i KNOW it will be a cut)...but because of the difference in cheaper benefits I dont  *think* my take-home pay will be that much less. Also this is a job that has a MUCH better scheduled, I am almost guaranteed a raise every year, and I could potentially stay in this position until I retire. Also, it'd be a really good retirement package.

Ayyy so stressful and so many things going on!!

IT'S A BOY!!!!!! (16 weeks)

Today we went to a private ultrasound place, Baby's Bungalow, all the way in North Tonawanda (yes the drive sucked) and saw the baby! The tech had trouble at first seeing in between the legs, and baby was being difficult AS USUAL and not cooperating. Then she said the umbilical cord was in the way but a second later she goes "well, can you tell what it is??" There looked like there was a penis... although I thought she had just said it was umbilical cord, so I said "is it a boy??" She said yep! it's a boy! She went on to take a few other crotch shots just to be sure. We also got to see hte baby in 4D and he was moving around SO much, she said he was a very active baby. My placenta, I learned, is on the front (anterior) section of my uterus and usually that inhibits you feeling movement earlier on, but she said with how active this baby is she is not surprised I feel him move so much!

We are super excited, but both a little in shock because we both kinda thought it was a girl. And Eric actually wanted a girl. I didn't care either way, but I had girl vibes. Before I got pregnant though I always KNEW I'd had a boy. That's why I was confused that I was getting girl vibes...because it threw off my little boy vision that I've always had. Well vibes are wrong lol and my premonition was right! And so was Eric's mom... everyone else who guessed beforehand said "girl," except for her! Early on she had a dream it was a boy... Uma, I will believe all your dreams from now on lol.

Here are the 6 pictures we got, I could have paid $10 more and gotten a DVD of the ultrasound. Eric was like you dont want to get it? I said no... but now I kinda wish I had!

This profile looks like Eric to me. He says the head isn't even developed enough, and no.

Looks like the baby is looking in a mirror... don't know what that's about lol

Heart rate was 138 BPM, lowest it's been and definitely in the "boy" range!

We went to Target after and bought 2 cute little boyish onesies. On a side note... UGH. Target has like 90% girl baby clothes and like NO boy baby clothes. Also, god forbid they have a size large maternity shorts. GOD FORBID. Target, you suck. Also, I bought a belly band and bought a size medium/large... and it's too big. I need the small/medium. One more thing to return lol. I have a running tab of returns at Target.

We had a girl's name picked out. That I LOVE. No clue on a boy's name, I seriously don't love anything for a boy. I think I may just have to accept that I will never *love* a boy's name. Sigh.

In other news... I was offered a job I REALLY want today. I cannot believe they picked me out of all their other candidates! I go July 16th to meet with the people who will give me the contract details (and pay, and benny details...) so I won't say anything more till then in case it falls through. I am seriously excited about this and cannot believe I may have this job. Terrible timing though lol, but I seriously cannot pass this up... I'm in denial that they even chose me!

Tomorrow we have a meeting with the mortgage broker. The broker called me today (while I was frantically driving, of course) and said that he had received the amended contract from our attorney so we should be good to go with the mortgage shit now. Have to bring all kinds of financial documents... that was fun finding them all tonight. I am a somewhat unorganized person, which does not bode well for finding W-2s from 2 years ago and bank statements from a few months ago. (some of this is not my fault - I live out of a bedroom at my mom's, with Eric Goggin thrown in there too. I have NO room to put anything! Now you see what we want to get into this house ASAP!) Anyway I think our mortgage interest rate will FINALLY be locked in. Now the "fun" mortgage rigmarole begins!

My "official" 4 month picture :)

On the eve of knowing

It is 2am and I am so nervous about our ultrasound tomorrow! I am excited, but also nervous. This is the last 14 hours of not knowing if we will have a son or daughter... still just a generic baby. idk why I feel nervous I just do! Eric said he does too. Our ultrasound appt is at 4pm, seems crazy that we will now know what the sex is. Seems like a big step. Some people choose not find out and be "surprised" but really, it's a surprise wheather you find our at 16 weeks or 20 weeks or birth. Eventually you DO find out no matter how long you wait, or don't wait, and it's exciting at whatever time that it. I actually like this finding out earlier... it splits up the excitement lol, and drags more exciting times out during the pregnancy.

The baby is moving SO much right now. I hope it moves tomorrow and doesn't keep it's legs crossed. However if the legs are crossed, pretty sure that means it's a girl.

I have started to get anxiety about giving birth. People like to tell you their horror stories which doesn't help.  I'm nervous of having bitchy nurses (i AM a nurse... and i know there are many bitchy nurses out there lol) and about having a doctor who is stupid and won't listen. I am scared of the pain too... but most of my fear really is about potential incompetence of the healthcare team. Because i KNOW they do stupid things all the time and ignore patients. I'm scared I'll want to walk around and they'll yell at me to stay in bed. I'm scared of having a C-section.. because I just have this feeling that's what I'll end up with. I have a smaller pelvis and it's my 1st and first babies usually take longer... and the current medical practice (which I don't agree with)  is to cut off labor after a certain time and just cut the baby out. Lastly,  I'm scared of being in chronic pain after the baby is born too for one reason or another, because I know that can also happen. I can deal with the short term pain of labor and birth... but thinking that I'll have pain that lasts for years and years... makes me terrified.

And PS. I am extremely stressed about buying this house. Right now I am waiting to hear that the seller signed the amendment to the contract. My mortgage broker needs that in order to lock in our interest rate... which meanwhile is climbing. UGH. I called the attorney today and had to leave a message... and asked him to please fax the contract to the broker when he gets it back from the seller's attorney. UGH UGH. I just want this all over with. Like nao.